The Waves of Grief
By Lisa Rebman
The Memories of Mariam Project
http://www.memoriesofmariam.com
Grief is an unpredictable emotion, and in my
opinion, one of the most profound. The loss of a child is one of the most tragic
events that can happen to a parent. When this happens, the grief comes in waves.
Sometimes it crashes in unexpectedly, sometimes barely reaching the shore. When
grief initially comes upon us, it is like a hurricane. Sometimes there is
warning, and we may be told to prepare for the worst. Other times, it gains
strength fast and hits unexpectedly.
When the hurricane first hits, the storm surge comes in and does the most
damage. This surge has enormous waves, sometimes covering everything, drowning
all things in its path. Likewise, when grief hits, it consumes us, and washes
everything else away. The devastation that is left is unimaginable. To people
outside of the hurricane, as in grief, it is hard to grasp the full concept of
how catastrophic it truly is. Others may watch from afar, but you are stuck in
the middle of it, left to pick up the pieces. Occasionally, we find others who
are willing to help wade through the rubble and repair our broken lives.
Months and months later, we may have rebuilt our home and our lives. We look new
on the outside, refreshed and clean. On the inside, our home may be empty, as
all of our belongings are now debris. Additionally, our lives may feel empty,
and we slowly start to find fulfilling things.
The quest for another child may be compared to rebuilding our home on the coast.
We may take further precautions to help insure that we will be safe should
another hurricane hit. We are never guaranteed safety from the storm, or a
healthy, living baby. This is a risk that many of us are willing to take to
fulfill our dreams and be happy again.
Every once in a while, another storm will come through. The waves start to
crash, and all of the emotions come flooding back in. Sometimes the waves of
grief are deep, and seem to drown us. Other times, the waves are shallow, and
just enough to let us wade through. The severity of the storm varies widely; it
may consume us or simply dampen us.
As time goes by, we see that the waves of grief roll in further and further
apart. It may be months between storms, and after a few years they may even be
more predictable as we realize a cycle. Unfortunately, the waves will never go
away. Rest assured, that as time goes by, you will learn how to weather the
storm, and living with grief will be a little bit easier.