Pregnancy and Infant Loss:  Giving Support

When trying to give support, the best thing to say is, "I'm sorry for your loss." It is never too late to offer your condolences, be it a week, month or even years later. Most people avoid women who have had a loss because they think she needs her space, or doesn't want to talk about it. In fact, while there are many who keep it to themselves, the majority want to surround themselves with supportive friends and family members. Most women who have had a loss want to talk about it, but their friends keep their distance. There's a saying that says when you've had a loss, friends become strangers and strangers become friends. It is so true.

When talking to her, say the baby's name if he/she had one. Another saying goes, "The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my face, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the sweet sound of her name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."

Sympathize, and let her know she has your support. Talk about the baby, it was real, whether she saw it or not. Ask her if she wants to get anything off her chest. Ask if she received any mementos, and if so, talk about those. If the baby has a funeral, go. It may be upsetting to you, but it is far worse for the parents, and your support means a lot. Cry with her, she will shed many tears for a long time.

These are just a few suggestions on what to say and do for support. Just try to avoid clichés that imply the baby is better off, that there was something wrong with him, or that "God needed an angel."

For more suggestions on giving support, read these articles.

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